As a parent in a joint custody arrangement, your relationship with your ex spouse will continue as long as your children are part of your lives. This reality check often comes as a huge shock to newly divorced couples. After all, the reason they chose to dissolve their marriages is because they didn't get along and wanted to go their separate ways. What now! The good news is, there is life after divorce, especially for a joint custodial parent. The challenge for couples however, is to redefine their relationship and learn ways of developing cooperative co-parenting plans based on their shared concerns for their children.
In redefining a relationship, former spouses need to make some important shifts in thinking and feeling. An area of difficulty for many is making the shift from being emotionally married to being emotionally divorced; moving from a relationship based on intimacy to one that is more businesslike in nature. The major problems lie in the area of personal boundaries. People make the mistake of feeling that they still have the same call on each other as they did while married. Once divorced, these issues should clearly be no concern to either ex-partner. When couples are able to make this shift in thinking and feeling, the old buttons that could easily be pushed, no longer work. The emotional divorce is then complete.
In developing an effective and cooperative co-parenting plan, the following should be considered:
1. Each parent must recognize the other parent as being competent to care for the children and to have their best interests in mind
2. Each parent must be willing to give the other parent full authority to care for the children while they are in his/her care
3. Each parent must recognize that any criticism of the other parent made in the presence of their children is an affront against them (the children) and destructive and detrimental to their well-being
4. Each parent must be willing and able to put their personal feelings aside when communicating with the other regarding the children
5. Each parent must put their children's need for love, safety and security above their own needs.
In redefining a relationship, former spouses need to make some important shifts in thinking and feeling. An area of difficulty for many is making the shift from being emotionally married to being emotionally divorced; moving from a relationship based on intimacy to one that is more businesslike in nature. The major problems lie in the area of personal boundaries. People make the mistake of feeling that they still have the same call on each other as they did while married. Once divorced, these issues should clearly be no concern to either ex-partner. When couples are able to make this shift in thinking and feeling, the old buttons that could easily be pushed, no longer work. The emotional divorce is then complete.
In developing an effective and cooperative co-parenting plan, the following should be considered:
1. Each parent must recognize the other parent as being competent to care for the children and to have their best interests in mind
2. Each parent must be willing to give the other parent full authority to care for the children while they are in his/her care
3. Each parent must recognize that any criticism of the other parent made in the presence of their children is an affront against them (the children) and destructive and detrimental to their well-being
4. Each parent must be willing and able to put their personal feelings aside when communicating with the other regarding the children
5. Each parent must put their children's need for love, safety and security above their own needs.
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