Preparing for Divorce

If you are the one planning to initiate the divorce action, think carefully about whether it is what you really want. Consider whether reconciliation is possible or whether couple's or marital counseling could help. If you decide to go ahead with the divorce, address the following issues:

•Hire a lawyer you can trust. Remember, this person should make you feel comfortable and should look after your interests.

•Gather together to give to your attorney copies of all your financial records including tax returns, pay stubs and investments. Keep these documents together and make sure you keep copies for your own records.

•Gather together to give to your attorney copies of any documents relating to ownership of property and personal belongings. While it is unlikely that your soon-to-be ex will fight with you over who owns your clothes, the ownership of an antique brooch from the man's side of the family could quickly become a heated debate. Know whose name is on the title for any houses, land, cars, boats, or other vehicles.

•Discuss with your lawyer the timeline of what has to happen when, and make sure you keep a running calendar of important dates and documents or appearances that are required of you.

•Open separate checking and credit accounts. Separate your paychecks from your spouse's as soon as possible.

•Work on making important decisions regarding any children or other dependents as quickly as possible.

•Revise your will. Make sure to put in provisions for any children in your custody upon the event of your death. Discuss with your attorney who you would like to raise your children.

•If you need to, acquire your own health insurance.

•Notify everyone. Your employer, health and life insurance, and pension accounts, especially, will want to know of your new single status.

Divorce is one of the most stressful situations you will ever go through. That said, remember to cut yourself a little slack, but also try to keep yourself calm and focused to the best of your ability. Inability to timely communicate or act can result in a divorce proceeding dragging on for months or years longer than it needs to be. Do your best to treat those around you with politeness and civility whenever possible to alleviate tension. With a little planning and a good attorney, you'll make it through just fine.

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